Soul Of A Woman

This is a confession of my soul.

I have recently discovered that God wants me to have what my heart desires far more than I even wanted it.  How can I quantify that statement?  Well, let me explain.

For years I have been believing God for specific blessings to manifest in my life. However, on some level I have been fighting God every step of the way. Sadly, I didn't realize what I was doing, but truth has a way of shinning the light on your circumstances, and sometimes even forcibly pushing you into a place you never anticipated. Sometimes, God will put people right in front of you and the amazing part is those same people hold the keys to your future. 

Through the process of seeking God, there are series of events that will take place to reveal not only the mind of God, but also, the very answers you've been praying for. Funny thing is, we're often clueless as to the reality of this truth because our nature is to gravitate to what we already know, and many times we miss the blessings of the unknown because of fear.

OKAY....

I know your asking what do I mean by all this, well, hold on and let me tell you. One of the many desires of my heart is to meet the man God has prepared for me. However, I've been walking around with a cloak of invisibility (my fat cloak). I thought it was just easier for me to avoid sin and the pressures of wanting to have sex by being overweight.  Now here me out, I didn't plan it that way, but this is the result from wanting to hide and not facing the truth. Oh but here's the kicker, the strong desire to want to have sex has never changed.

So why did I put myself through all this hell for nothing? Or did I? This brings me to my recent discovery.  I'm really good at pouring myself out into the lives of others, one of my Spiritual Grace Gifts is to EXHORT. Oh I can break that thing down. I love building people, but I have a tendency to pour out and not receive in return. Well as of lately, God has put me in a place of receiving and honestly, it took some work for me. The real issue was receiving the way in which God wanted me to, and that's what I had a problem with.

Truth be told, God has been trying to get certain answers to me for some time now, but I just refused to hear what I didn't want to hear. To make it clearer, it was never about being overweight cause I'm still sexy. No, that was not the issue, the real issue was about me receiving what God had and whom He chose to use in my life that I had a problem with. Now here's my disclaimer, this statement does not mean in any way that I'm saying its okay to be overweight and I don't have to change. Truth is, me being overweight is not really who I am, or even the best that God wants for me, not to mention its unhealthy.  

The real lesson in all this is to be led by the Spirit of God.  There is no other way. You will only make yourself crazy trying to do a whole bunch of things that will never fulfill you. God will even go so far as to put the love your looking for into someone you would have never suspected, and it will hit you like a ton of bricks. I just decided to surrender to love and all that God has for me in His way.           

Much Love